I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
