I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
