Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
