Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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