Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize