your parents love me but you hate me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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