Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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