Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
