you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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