"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
