I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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