I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
