Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
