I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
