she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
