For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
