38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
