so that wasnt chicken after all
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
