I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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