she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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