I'm lost and stupid without you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
