There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my being single is dangerous.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
