There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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