Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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