There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
