We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
