I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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