I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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