; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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