I faked an abortion last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
