Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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