she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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