so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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