textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
