I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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