My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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