More tranny stories later!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
