I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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