I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
