Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
