he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
