Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
