Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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