my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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