If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
