did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
