I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
