YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How external is "for external use only"?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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