I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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