i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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