barbara walters just said penis...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
