This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
