She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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