when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's never too late to be topless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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