i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
