Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
