Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
