Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
