I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
