waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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