she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize