He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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