I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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