he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
