Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
