Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
