My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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