woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
