I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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