Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
