Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
