This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
