Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You made out with two different species that night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
